Maybe the life lesson here is to run before it's too late. I always stay too long, deer in headlight syndrome.
I called it how I seen it I stayed, and if I would any longer, even without him being a dick, lets be real, it would be a love square of doom, and squares are just people stuck in the same boxes.
I don't need in that box. Individually I like them all separately.
No joke. I love Ed. But I love everyone in the world. Jess has a broken kind spirit, and I want to help her, but 1. I know I will help because she needs it, and just because I'm hurt by the situation doesn't mean that it has to change who I am as a human. So breast pump, shoes for baby girl, clothes if needed. I'll do anything, and even though it hurts, she can't help hers anymore than I can.
So I can be anyone's friend from a far.
Eric hasn't been anything but kind to me. I feel sorry for him in the way I feel sorry for myself. Damaged and keeps trying. But some efforts are too little too late. I don't know what to make of it.
Lexie says all types of things about Jess, I didn't say anything I didn't already voice.. the Love triangle of doom and the fact I think they are both in love with one another. And she says it's just Ed.
Nope.. Ed has always been thing guy inserted in someone else's life in these weird "uncle Ed" ways and he has no reason to put himself out there, he has a woman at home that he doesn't much have to answer to except the subtleties of hurt. Which he did punish me for.
Ultimately I forgive those who never apologize. I'll move on... It will be weird as fuck giving the cold shoulder at work, but I think it's for the best. Not to Jess or Eric, I think Jess needs to learn to love herself. Without a man. You can't expect someone to fix you. Those are excuses. You gotta dig deep and heal that shit.
And I will forever give credit to Ed for every kind thing he has ever done for me. He was almost always a gentleman when he wasn't trying his hardest to be a jerk. But that's his defense.
And I've spent enough time alone, and learning who I am and who I am not willing to be, and I know I'm not dimming my light because it scares anyone, put some fucking sunglasses on because I'm going to shine on. Spent way too much time changing me for others to control. Ed does have control issues too. And no communication skills for an adult over 40.
I open my mouth, I say fucked up shit, my pride doesn't stop me from apologizing. But frankly I'm not punishing other people for faulty people in my pasts mistakes.
If you can't handle it, I'm still just going to be me. I can do that like a brick wall too.
\
I called it how I seen it I stayed, and if I would any longer, even without him being a dick, lets be real, it would be a love square of doom, and squares are just people stuck in the same boxes.
I don't need in that box. Individually I like them all separately.
No joke. I love Ed. But I love everyone in the world. Jess has a broken kind spirit, and I want to help her, but 1. I know I will help because she needs it, and just because I'm hurt by the situation doesn't mean that it has to change who I am as a human. So breast pump, shoes for baby girl, clothes if needed. I'll do anything, and even though it hurts, she can't help hers anymore than I can.
So I can be anyone's friend from a far.
Eric hasn't been anything but kind to me. I feel sorry for him in the way I feel sorry for myself. Damaged and keeps trying. But some efforts are too little too late. I don't know what to make of it.
Lexie says all types of things about Jess, I didn't say anything I didn't already voice.. the Love triangle of doom and the fact I think they are both in love with one another. And she says it's just Ed.
Nope.. Ed has always been thing guy inserted in someone else's life in these weird "uncle Ed" ways and he has no reason to put himself out there, he has a woman at home that he doesn't much have to answer to except the subtleties of hurt. Which he did punish me for.
Ultimately I forgive those who never apologize. I'll move on... It will be weird as fuck giving the cold shoulder at work, but I think it's for the best. Not to Jess or Eric, I think Jess needs to learn to love herself. Without a man. You can't expect someone to fix you. Those are excuses. You gotta dig deep and heal that shit.
And I will forever give credit to Ed for every kind thing he has ever done for me. He was almost always a gentleman when he wasn't trying his hardest to be a jerk. But that's his defense.
And I've spent enough time alone, and learning who I am and who I am not willing to be, and I know I'm not dimming my light because it scares anyone, put some fucking sunglasses on because I'm going to shine on. Spent way too much time changing me for others to control. Ed does have control issues too. And no communication skills for an adult over 40.
I open my mouth, I say fucked up shit, my pride doesn't stop me from apologizing. But frankly I'm not punishing other people for faulty people in my pasts mistakes.
If you can't handle it, I'm still just going to be me. I can do that like a brick wall too.
\
No comments:
Post a Comment