Unfathomable

Patience. Not my strong suit. Its something that has always been out to me, but somehow I failed to get the consequences of not applying it. Reroute, go above, go behind, some how someway, I've escaped adulthood with nearly any. I could find a way to always get what I want.

They say with age comes wisdom. I try to work at implementing it in my life a little more now. I hate it. I don't understand it. I understand lots of outcomes can be avoided when used. But beyond that it doesn't seem fun. Waiting. That's what it all boils down to. Waiting for children to grow up, giving them exceptions to outburst and such. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for people to change, or for a better life. Waiting.

As I contemplate my next life choices, I'm plagued by a decision of patience. Do I wait for him? I love him. But my hope is only a sliver and I have dreams. But I feel so conquered. A lost hope. I try not to let myself fantasize about a life with him. I've worked hard at that.

I'm a math and science person. If regardless of the destination the journey is still the same, then patience is inevitable. 

You still have to wait. We can't currently speed up time as is, not that time is actually real, but the unknown? The things you can't factor?

So to me the safest route is to continue to do what I do and just to apply the perspective of patience. Whatever the outcome, it was already predestined.

And I reached completely new heights during meditation last night. Incredible.