My Old friend Insomnia

I've been maintaining sleep pretty well for a while now, not so much maintaining writing but sleep okay.. so I figure I'm up and I do need to get back into the habit.

Yesterday didn't really go as planned, but he did say a few sentences. Which is better than complete exile. I'll take what I can get. And I guess we just start there? I've been bored and miserable without him. Broken leg sucks. I feel like a gimp when I walk around and worried pants grandma yells at me for trying to do everything. I did actually wear one of my braces and wrapped under it all day yesterday which I haven't actually done yet, but I really don't want surgery. I can't take this now... 8 months of this shit... no thank you.. 

So as long as my own stupid stubbornness doesn't get in the way, crossing my fingers only 6 more weeks. Maybe sooner... 

I did send Ed a long message detailing some of my own excruciating horrible deeds..  I was 5 beers deep.. drinking myself in sorrow.. at one point my grandma came to the garage and asked me why I was sitting in the freezing cold and dark....

I told her I'm upset about something I want to be alone and I'll be in eventually. She said ok. but really also...  Because I can't chain smoke in the house Nana??

My daughters father has called me twice this week telling me how much he loves me and how I really actually want to be with him.. I laugh hysterically at him. I needed a good laugh... He tries to convince me I do... then asks about why couldn't I be the person I am now when we were together...

For years now I tell him to let the past go... We haven't been together in 8 years.. that shit is dead and gone. I'm not that girl.. I grew the fuck up and maybe he should too. He bet me last night he could "still get the pussy" I died... H asked me why he couldn't hit it.. "Because you're toxic and I don't want anything to do with you like that, give it up, I have no interest"

I talked to him or I should say attempted to talk about Ed to him the other night, for the most part we maintain a friendship for Ny'lle. She makes fun of his ass too when he tells her how much he loves me and asks if I still love him, She tells his ass No just the same as me. So last night after he's asking about why he can't get the pussy he says it's because I went and got myself a ghramcracker...

Mind you he has a girl so when he's in my shit like this I assume she's at work and ask why she keeps letting him call me..She needs to take his phone away.

She does too.. we know he ain't paying the bill with his no job having ass....

My boss finally called me for a job the other day and I had to tell him I broke my leg, he talked to me for a minute getting the story and told me I better rest up that as soon as I'm healed I can come back to work. I can't fucking wait. I go stir crazy in the house. And I fucking hate facebook more and more every time I look at the shit because it's all I have to do. I do need to work on the book some more. My grandma got on the laptop the other day and shut down a month and a half of writing work without saving it. I still haven't looked to see how bad it was. It seriously maybe 3 different chapters all mid/almost finished and I haven't been able to bring myself to look.

So wish me sanity for the next 6 weeks, also motivation... if I apply myself I could just finish the fucking thing..