Flying

I remember the brutal beating cold wind against my face. Gasping for air in a temporary panic. Trying to think while free falling at a plummeting speed from 14 thousand feet. Everyone kept asking me on the ground if I was nervous, I wasn't. I was excited because I knew in my bones I was ready. I told them maybe in the moment. But i had unwavering readiness.

The door opened and I got to the ledge and not even for a moment did I have any hesitation. I knew taking that jump was me taking a step in my life in the direction of living. Mundane occurrences usually got the better of me, but I, I was ready to take that leap. I was doing what I wanted to do. I was living regardless. I was flying.

We dove out of the tiny aircraft and did our backwards banana pose and fell to the Earth. I couldn't catch my breath at first. It was surreal, and in our instructions before the plane took off they told us if you can't breath, scream. I remembered, and not that the tandum instructor attached behind me could hear, I let it out. My breath was immediately back following. It was an ice cold drop on a summers day. I see how people are in love with this. 60 seconds of complete freefall with an astonishing view. I feel the force of the chute open and pull me up in a jerking motion. The fine hunk of meat attached to me releases my leg clasps so I can sit more comfortably in the air. He then hands me the reins after doing a few tricks. Whipping ferociously through the air high above the fields of nature. Everything looks so small. Except life, I knew in that moment that life was big.

I find there is such a safety in being scared. When I think back to that moment my lungs still freeze with anticipation. Holding it so close to my heart that it swells of excitement at the mere thought of doing it again. They asked me a third time after we landed if I got scared on the ledge. I told them I was ready to go back up again. I was in love.

A big check on my bucket list of life got checked off and it left me with a taste in my mouth that haunts me. Thrill and adventure, life pumping through me??

Now, nothing will ever be enough.