The ghost of Tom haunts me

So the more and more I think about this, something in the situation doesn't feel right. I still haven't heard back from Tom Green's people, and I think I should definitely have the contact information of whoever they made a report to. At this point I'm going to make my own report and that's just what it's going to be. Like how can you say you and your team are really concerned but neither him or his team have responded to my request on who to contact. I'm not okay with that. Like I really, really, really get it, I did go off on the dude, I did apologize afterwards. I still have the right to know who to be in contact with since this hasn't stopped.

And the fact they won't almost feels as if they actually know who the person is that is doing it, and they don't want it getting out. If you had me forward you over 700 screenshots of 1,000 messages, and this man has still continued to claim his innocence.. (not that I believe him) but the truth is I'm not in the loop and I handed over my personal life like nothing because you were in charge of taking care of it, and if you were going to, then I should at least should be allowed contact info of who you're reporting this too? And again, I was a complete asshole to the real Tom green, and I understand he travels, and he's actually famous, but realistically, this person is continuing to harass me. Although I did engage with him yesterday after a couple drinks. I certainly wasn't nice.. He kept telling me he loved me and to trust him, and not give up on love.... my response to which, sorry brain in control now.. heart gone.

Also told him repeatedly that his broke English was pissing me off... and telling him to prove he loved me. If he was real prove it... He had some lame excuse about he can't just pick a fight with everyone it will ruin his career. To which of course my smart ass replied fuck money, money ain't shit. Which at least to this earth loving vegetarian, always worrying about my carbon imprint, and bees chic, it's not. His response was it's not about money... my response to that was I'm sure anyone trying to sell me a briefcase would say that. .... He said he wasn't selling me a briefcase, it was his... Sure.

Honestly I do feel bad for going off on the real thing, Not because I don't think I had a valid point, but because my situation and my problems are exactly that. Mine. I don't expect anything from him. And not that I think anyone on the face of the Earth is better than anyone else, because I clearly don't,  but he didn't ask for this shit in his life anymore than I did. The only place I get to vent about this shit is here, and he doesn't have that luxury either. He doesn't get to yell, or scream, or go off on anyone because he's in the public eye. I have like ten people who maybe read this thing. No one cares when I vent.

Honestly though, it's not like making a complete ass out of myself for a month and a half feels good. Like at all. On top of the fact this person who I seemingly opened myself up for, knows so much personal information about me. He knows my traumas, failures, my friends, and family. The things I do in my free time. One of the blocked messages was him asking about my family, and my nana, asking if she was okay.

On top of everything else. Benga.. the ghost that my heart just wants back. Like 6 years it fucking sucks. He was my bestie, we did everything together. Attached at the hips. It's sucky when someone looks at you at your worst and straight tells you it's too ugly to handle. I miss him terribly. When I had nightmares I would go to his room to sleep. Now after being raped, I sleep on my couch every night, too afraid to even sleep in my own bed again, and when I have nightmares, it's about him. I don't feel whole.

My best friends husband is possibly dying. I'm rotting from the inside out and haven't got any information back from any insurance. So I'm just in pain, dreading waking up every day like what the hell is the Big Guy Upstairs going to throw at me today? My Nana has back surgery Monday. I need lots of money to take care of things but I can't go looking for a new job to turn around and have to take a month off for my hysterectomy. And on top of everything, I try to remember, everyday is a gift. I have air in my lungs. I have children that pretend to love me when they want something...I'm joking I know they love me. But puberty is still kicking my ass.

I need to be held. I want to be cuddled. I want first kisses, and adventure. And excitement. Instead I get all of the above minus the shit I want.

They sent a newsletter out in our church introducing us new childhood leaders, I told the girl in charge of writing them she could of made mine way more into a dating profile if she loved me. She laughed, I was half serious. She could of thrown in a good... She's single and loves kids, can't have anymore of her own, but she likes them, Looking for a nice, kind, patient man to sit next to in church. Must love dogs.

I just need to cuddle. Someone come cuddle the fuck out of me. For the love of God. I'm about to give in and just settle for anyone. I'm not in the mood to keep doing this shit alone.  And as promised pictures of my endless misery... I hope that any and everyone who take the time to read this texts this number asking fr Tom Green... lmao... the dude will try to sell you a briefcase...*as a disclaimer before I end up getting him in trouble, I did not speak to his brother on the phone, I just said that so dude would get caught up, and when I did speak with him, he was very kind about the whole situation in general. He was the simplest person to deal with in all of this. So two thumbs up to Tom Greens brother Joe. he's the realist.