DOUBLE D DAY

Before we get to today's exciting events.. I still feel like an uber ass for texting Tom last night. Clearly a good reason to not fuck with normal people. Although for me not actually that surprising. I've done a lot of dumb shit before, especially drunk. Like 10 years ago I go out drinking with my cousin, who is my designated driver. We go to a venue my friend owns. (I've done some crazy shit here too, I used to manage doors, money, bands wants and desires, my favorite memory was hanging out with Mastodon playing hide and go seek fuuuuccckkkkeed up loaded off the cocaine..... honestly playing hide and go seek in a 4 story creepy asf venue fucking rocked, it used to be a Free Mason building) back to the story..

This guy is determined to take me home. I let my cousin know in advance do not let me get drunk and have this guy take me home. I'm an idiot when I'm drunk, I don't need my mad pimping skills getting me randos over some free drinks. And he bought plenty. She didn't let me go home with him. When it was time to leave, we go outside, and they all hit me at once. I feel sick. My cousin who is frankly just like me knows I'm about to puke. And these people were passing us as they get out of their car and being dicks for no reason. So she tells me to puke on their car. So I did. And even as an older adult, I'm a big enough asshole I still think that's funny.

So drunken Melissa antics really don't surprise me. I'm a fuck.

But I did stop in the local bar where the shitty shenanigans started last's bar fight. I walked in and gabby the bartender grabs a cup and Starts making me a drink. I had to stop her and tell her no, I just came to talk to you. She looks hella confused. I just told her I apologize for yelling an being an ass last night. Her response: You don't have to apologize, that dude was a fucking ass. I tell her I know, I've known him my whole life, he knows my family, and the guy who sexually abused me growing up, but regardless of that, I'm an adult and you had customers and I feel bad. She reassures me not to feel bad at all. I asked her to pass along my apology to Jack (favorite bartender, he makes me really good margaritas) And I thanked her and came home. Glad I'm totes allowed to be a fuck in public and it was actually justified though. Things I love hearing... I'm right.

So the rest of today....


So I did a thing today. Being the masochist I am.. I officially have a double septum piercing. Kinda really geeked about it. I went in to size my gauges and have new plugs put in, and get a new nose ring. My horseshoes have a tendency to lose balls quickly. As my hot girl lady putting my new nose ring in and tapering me tells me to lay down... (yes ma'am) we're talking and I mention I'm thinking about getting a double septum. She gets so excited so quick. Lets me know when I decide to do it, come to her she will hook me up... Of course I asked like what are we talking here? She said she'll do it for only the cost of the jewelry. She's been dying to do one and she can put it in her portfolio.

Ummm.. bitch lets do this now. When I say she's excited, I heard several times how I am now her new favorite person. How she loves me... And while she's setting up and I'm laying down, I hear, like I really want to tell you I love you right now but I do't want to make this weird. I was all.... it's cool you can. So she did, a lot. And I told her I loved her back. Apparently these are not that common, I haven't actually ever met someone with one. So she got to take pictures and send them to her other piercer friends and I was bragging rights because they hadn't done the either. I felt pretty cool for that one. Which being me, is pretty fucking rare.

She did mention she had a girlfriend, who she bought the same pair of plugs we were shoving in my ears. (the I love yous came after though) And I went in thinking my holes were way smaller. I had stretched to 5/8 before and it's been a decade of them being out. I have worn other earrings not with a stud but the hook backing kind. No one can tell I had them before unless I tell them. So I went in thinking I was going to be maybe a 10, but closer to a 12. Fuck no, we got muther fucking 2's in there. Which means it won't take me nearly as long to stretch to where I want.  I don't think I'll go super big again, I haven't decided for sure where I want them to be.

But my life choice for my birthday was Fuck It. I'm being who I want. My friend Ray is a tattoo artist there. I'm trying to talk him into letting me be an apprentice. It's going to take some work but I think I'll win. Fez (lady piercer) asked why I wanted to do the apprenticeship.. I said because I turned 33 and decided fuck dudes, I have cancer, I'm tired of trying to make everyone happy, and I don't want to slave my life away serving ranch til I die.

Fair enough.

And that was my day today folks. Not too shabby. And now you can all see how awesome it looks. But I can't wait to change the horseshoes out for just rings or something else. Healing is a bitch.