He called me yesterday. Months now have passed, and when he knew he was in danger, he called to apologize. His number was blocked, so it kicked it straight to voicemail. I listened a few ours later. He said he only said the things previously yesterday because he wanted to hurt my feelings. He wanted me to hurt the way he was. And he really was sorry for everything, and he's never met anyone like me. And he's on his hands and knees begging me to forgive him because he can't lose me. I'm the strongest women he knows.
When I did unblock him to attempt to get details, I'm even more certain that he is incapable of telling the truth. Which I already knew. I asked him for a picture of himself and he sent me a picture of Christian Linder, a German politician. Although very handsome, not so smart considering reverse image searches.
And I think up until this moment, I've remained calm, not so much to the real Tom but I did apologize for that, I know none of this is his fault. But now, now I'm kinda fucking mad. I am a deeply genuine person. I am patient, kind, thoughtful, giving, and you know none of these are my own glory, but God's. I take no credit for who I am, just a blessing the way my brain operates. But currently I'm kinda pissed that finally after months of his lies, that I even for one second took the time to talk to him for even a half of a second to try to understand his unique human experience here on Earth, and this little fucker doesn't do anything but lie some more.
I know people have to survive. I used to be the dope man. I used to get you whatever you needed. I had kids to feed. I did stupid, selfish things for a very long time of my life. Until I had a gun pointed directly at my head down the ally where my nieces and nephews were out playing. I could of died, right there, in the middle of exchange, and my family, young children, would of watched me get my head blown off. For the first week after, I was furious I got stuck out of the product... it was on loan.
Then I thought, I could of died. Right there, over something as stupid as that. And instead of being pissed, I tried to pray that in the world we live in today, I bet they just have some kids to feed too. And how do we make this a better place?
So I noticed the elderly ladies yard I always cut through, hadn't been cut in a while. I mean it was really long. So I borrowed my Nana's lawn mower and made a choice. To change the world the only way I could think of. Because I didn't want to keep being mad over it. One. One random act of kindness had to be the only way to make this place better. So instead of doing selfish, stupid, anger perpetuating things anymore, I needed to change myself to change the world. And I went and starting mowing her lawn.
And after about an hour, (she had a huge yard) she very confused came outside and asked what was going on. And I explained, I didn't want anything, I lived right down the road and always cut through, and I noticed it hadn't been cut in a while. And I recently had something horrible happen to me, and the only way I could think to not be angry anymore was by trying to do at least one good thing a day for someone to change the world.
This woman, who took care of her husband who was no longer able to cut it. He had dementia. They were about 80 years old. Explained he had hurt himself the last time her tried, and her grandchildren usually do it but the mower broke. She tried endlessly to give me money at that point, I refused. And she said she never put a gate up because She never really believed land actually belonged to anyone, so I was free to cut through whenever I needed.
I made a friend with Ms Judy that day, and more than that I made a difference. And I finally slept again that night. Everyone in Christianity talks about the moment they were saved. That was my moment. The moment the gun didn't go off. The moment I lived. That place is never a distant memory in my mind. Rather one I keep up close because without it, I would forget to be who I was really made to be. Though it's been years and years now, I think it was yesterday too. I don't mind now that, that moment was my defining one. I like who I am today. I like who that person made me be.
But this "Tom" "Harrison" "Andre" guy, is taking advantage of my kindness, and my kindness is most certainly not a weakness. I tried to listen with a humane heart to what he could possibly be going through. And while he claims he loves me. I think very much like the rest of the world, he has no idea what that means. Also... Still trying to sell me a briefcase.
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