Date/sleep

The secret is 3 muscle relaxers, 4 benaryl.

Date last night good. Interesting. I can't really figure the guy out. He was very pleasant. Physic major, going to work on his Masters. So smart. We hung out like almost 7 hours. We talked a lot, but I couldn't get a read from him whether he liked me either way. It was kinda odd. I've never met someone I couldn't read. Like zero. I did get turned on a little he put me into a posture bdsm toy. I enjoy meeting people with similar kinks. But he didn't put any moves on me. Didn't try to kiss me goodnight. And he blatantly told me he has women call to come over to bathe at his house and sleep in his bed. He also told his booty call was texting him. Which I honestly felt he was more into than me.

I asked him openly if he was emotionally ready to be with anyone. He answered yes. But when you have multiple women ready to come bathe and sleep in your bed and booty calls hitting you up on date night... I dunno honestly. The puss in me says run. He's attractive, on his own, works hard, enjoys a lot of the same things, he was a gentleman. And I dunno. He's had a few relationships in the past year, and I've only tried dating someone once in 3 years. I'm extremely picky. And weird.

I very possibly could of scared in general. I used to be a professional dater. Had a roster. Guys on the line waiting. And it's been so long, that even eye contact made me feel awkward. And I get nervous and start busting out random facts one including the chances of finding true love is less than  .01% probably a kinda gruesome thing t say on a first date. Then I randomly blurted out I had cancer. Not really deal keeper. I also may have blurted out over dinner I'm not autistic. He laughed.... Just needed him to know. I'm not on the spectrum.

I'm retarded, but not autistic. Clearly I don't know how to socialize anymore. He was pretty awesome regardless. I'm just a fucking strange person. Likely doomed to spend my life alone because I don't know how to "people" anymore.

I'm pulling on my eyelid skin. I really am a fucking creep.