My brain hasn't been able to get shit out since I started talking to him anyways, I need to focus. And you know honestly I think I need to get his chapter out anyways. Maybe I stopped writing because I wasn't sure how I was going to end it. I think I have a much better understanding now. I think it's obvious.
I'm not going to keep doing this to myself. I need to get the bad ones out with equal measures as my fun ones.
Bobby btw.. only guy friend/ex that really just lets me be me. Who I can call and say hold me and he's in. And then say let's listen to some Sinatra I'm in a mood and end up on System of a Down. And end up being my own one man band party all night. He just kept refilling my wine glass. We laugh because we either get along and it's wonderful or once every couple of years we have a knock out drag out fight and it's awful. But then we miss one another and kiss and make up. Oddly enough, we can do all that, but I haven't slept with him in years. I think we have a mutual understanding on how the other's brain operates. Like we're both manic depressive people who are over eccentric and lively. Our friendship works both ways. It's a nice balance. Being fucked up in the head and still loved.
For the most part I think my own IQ is my own worst enemy. It was fine when I was on drugs and self destructive, but now that I keep to myself and don't numb the shit, all it does is work. And I'm big on problem solving.. I think that's what gets me in the most trouble. I just want everything to be fixed. Well working. Clearly the exact opposite happens. Fun... My head hurts from the wine last night.
Still it's a metal day and the headphones are on. I'm full of angst.
I'm not going to keep doing this to myself. I need to get the bad ones out with equal measures as my fun ones.
Bobby btw.. only guy friend/ex that really just lets me be me. Who I can call and say hold me and he's in. And then say let's listen to some Sinatra I'm in a mood and end up on System of a Down. And end up being my own one man band party all night. He just kept refilling my wine glass. We laugh because we either get along and it's wonderful or once every couple of years we have a knock out drag out fight and it's awful. But then we miss one another and kiss and make up. Oddly enough, we can do all that, but I haven't slept with him in years. I think we have a mutual understanding on how the other's brain operates. Like we're both manic depressive people who are over eccentric and lively. Our friendship works both ways. It's a nice balance. Being fucked up in the head and still loved.
For the most part I think my own IQ is my own worst enemy. It was fine when I was on drugs and self destructive, but now that I keep to myself and don't numb the shit, all it does is work. And I'm big on problem solving.. I think that's what gets me in the most trouble. I just want everything to be fixed. Well working. Clearly the exact opposite happens. Fun... My head hurts from the wine last night.
Still it's a metal day and the headphones are on. I'm full of angst.
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