Yesterday was a great day. Worked my ass off and was able to sleep nearly 12 hours. I cant remember the last time that actually happened was. Real REM sleep. Although I did jut dream about work. And Hobo Johnson. I was setting up his show, and he actually knew who I was, and there were these crazy parking garages that washed your car when they put it away for you? I have no understanding of how my own brain operates.
At work yesterday getting it in, one guy was really rude to me in the beginning and then he warmed up and had me kept helping him do things. That was nice, going from asshole to nice. Another guy (very male dominated field) started a conversation with me about how he noticed how hard I was working, in fact he notices all the females go way harder than the men. I noticed that too, men can get away with being slackers, they have jokes, the second a woman would do that in there someone would immediately know. We already have to do twice the work to able to stay in the game. I've worked in male dominated jobs before, I'm used to having to prove it. I like when I get in shape and run circles around them though. I don't really mind it. Most guys are jerks until you prove yourself, that you're not just expecting them to do the work for you that you're willing to jump in and do it yourself. One guy who was also a little but of a dick the last couple days looked at me and said, Well, you seem to be doing really good only doing this for a couple of days... Thanks... This are big words for little men to eat. I like that.
I was in the middle of working my ass off though and glanced up and found Ed staring at me. I'd say it was odd but I wasn't really surprised. I'm big on vibes, his speak massively. I don't really speak to him at work at all. It's an awkward situation in general. I think I weird him out now and he doesn't know how to take me. I went from being this ass fuck of a human to someone who says nice things to him and tries to have actual conversation outside of work. I think he may of preferred old me. I don't know what to think about that either. I just keep trying to reassure him that I'm just nicer and quieter.
I will say this though.. I'm a recovering sex addict, who has worked in male dominated fields. Who had a reputation of being a "man eater". In that, socially speaking, I pick up on body language like it's my job, social cues, and women interestingly enough scientifically are much smarter when it comes to those things anyway. They did an MRI study and showed men and women pictures of body language and 5 parts of the men's brain lit up when showed pictures, and then 18 parts of a woman's brain does. So we notice every flinch of an eye, every novice detail that helps us being aware of the signals men send. On top of that fucking like it was my job running through men I'm highly aware of vibrations and deeper thinking. He wasn't undressing me with his eyes or anything, but he was deep in thought about me. Like deep thought. Which makes me wonder what he is thinking about me... Is he stuck in a deep oasis of thinking about how awesome I am now...?? Or he perplexed by me... the look on his face says perplexed and trying to figure me out.
That would be a waste of his time. No one can figure me out. All they have to do is ask though. I have a endless space of thought in my brain. It's much better from the horses mouth than it is driving yourself nuts trying to get me.
I'm actually complexly simple. What I refer to ask a paradox wrapped in an enigma. I want good. I want to cuddle and be affectionate, and have horrible sexual urges, but I really just try to be a good person. And I'm a hot mess.
The look on his face though... I still being the ass of a human I am called him out on it after work. I make myself chuckle..?? I told him not to stare at me at work because it's fucking weird yo...
He said he has a staring problem and sometimes he can stare at nothing at all.. OK..... (eyes rolled) I spend my time quietly analyzing people.. All day everyday. I tried to be as pleasant as possible and let him know I'm really not that strange. I'm still me. While he doesn't know me, he does know pieces of me. I would still like the cliff notes on why he's back in my life. Hes a good dude. Told me he's pretty reclusive now. I'm sure he really doesn't know how to approach our situation either. It is a weird one. And I'm super quiet at work. I do take my adderall beforehand though. So it quiets my ADHD anyways. And he's never worked with me before. So while he's running around telling everyone I'm a hard worker, he actually had no idea. I'm happy that I can prove him right though.
He told his roommate we dated. I hope his roommate doesn't have a big mouth. I don't want everyone else knowing my business. Being new girl sucks anyways. I wouldn't want to throw in questions like.. Oh you used to date Eddie?
I am the only person I know that doesn't call him that. He's Ed. While he is hilarious and such, a I said before he used to be a party in a person, he's always been Ed to me. I used to introduce him as that and he would correct me. It never stopped me. I think it's his way of being young at heart. It's cute, but I'm still always calling him Ed. He's not the same person to me as he is to everyone else anyways. Everyone else can have that Ed. I like the one I get. Especially now, hes like a shy school girl who does't know how to approach me. It's half adorable half odd. I can dig it.
I dunno.. for today.. and everyday.. only time can tell...
At work yesterday getting it in, one guy was really rude to me in the beginning and then he warmed up and had me kept helping him do things. That was nice, going from asshole to nice. Another guy (very male dominated field) started a conversation with me about how he noticed how hard I was working, in fact he notices all the females go way harder than the men. I noticed that too, men can get away with being slackers, they have jokes, the second a woman would do that in there someone would immediately know. We already have to do twice the work to able to stay in the game. I've worked in male dominated jobs before, I'm used to having to prove it. I like when I get in shape and run circles around them though. I don't really mind it. Most guys are jerks until you prove yourself, that you're not just expecting them to do the work for you that you're willing to jump in and do it yourself. One guy who was also a little but of a dick the last couple days looked at me and said, Well, you seem to be doing really good only doing this for a couple of days... Thanks... This are big words for little men to eat. I like that.
I was in the middle of working my ass off though and glanced up and found Ed staring at me. I'd say it was odd but I wasn't really surprised. I'm big on vibes, his speak massively. I don't really speak to him at work at all. It's an awkward situation in general. I think I weird him out now and he doesn't know how to take me. I went from being this ass fuck of a human to someone who says nice things to him and tries to have actual conversation outside of work. I think he may of preferred old me. I don't know what to think about that either. I just keep trying to reassure him that I'm just nicer and quieter.
I will say this though.. I'm a recovering sex addict, who has worked in male dominated fields. Who had a reputation of being a "man eater". In that, socially speaking, I pick up on body language like it's my job, social cues, and women interestingly enough scientifically are much smarter when it comes to those things anyway. They did an MRI study and showed men and women pictures of body language and 5 parts of the men's brain lit up when showed pictures, and then 18 parts of a woman's brain does. So we notice every flinch of an eye, every novice detail that helps us being aware of the signals men send. On top of that fucking like it was my job running through men I'm highly aware of vibrations and deeper thinking. He wasn't undressing me with his eyes or anything, but he was deep in thought about me. Like deep thought. Which makes me wonder what he is thinking about me... Is he stuck in a deep oasis of thinking about how awesome I am now...?? Or he perplexed by me... the look on his face says perplexed and trying to figure me out.
That would be a waste of his time. No one can figure me out. All they have to do is ask though. I have a endless space of thought in my brain. It's much better from the horses mouth than it is driving yourself nuts trying to get me.
I'm actually complexly simple. What I refer to ask a paradox wrapped in an enigma. I want good. I want to cuddle and be affectionate, and have horrible sexual urges, but I really just try to be a good person. And I'm a hot mess.
The look on his face though... I still being the ass of a human I am called him out on it after work. I make myself chuckle..?? I told him not to stare at me at work because it's fucking weird yo...
He said he has a staring problem and sometimes he can stare at nothing at all.. OK..... (eyes rolled) I spend my time quietly analyzing people.. All day everyday. I tried to be as pleasant as possible and let him know I'm really not that strange. I'm still me. While he doesn't know me, he does know pieces of me. I would still like the cliff notes on why he's back in my life. Hes a good dude. Told me he's pretty reclusive now. I'm sure he really doesn't know how to approach our situation either. It is a weird one. And I'm super quiet at work. I do take my adderall beforehand though. So it quiets my ADHD anyways. And he's never worked with me before. So while he's running around telling everyone I'm a hard worker, he actually had no idea. I'm happy that I can prove him right though.
He told his roommate we dated. I hope his roommate doesn't have a big mouth. I don't want everyone else knowing my business. Being new girl sucks anyways. I wouldn't want to throw in questions like.. Oh you used to date Eddie?
I am the only person I know that doesn't call him that. He's Ed. While he is hilarious and such, a I said before he used to be a party in a person, he's always been Ed to me. I used to introduce him as that and he would correct me. It never stopped me. I think it's his way of being young at heart. It's cute, but I'm still always calling him Ed. He's not the same person to me as he is to everyone else anyways. Everyone else can have that Ed. I like the one I get. Especially now, hes like a shy school girl who does't know how to approach me. It's half adorable half odd. I can dig it.
I dunno.. for today.. and everyday.. only time can tell...
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