So I've written 5 pages. That's a great start, considering I've walked away and been distracted the whole day. I left and got some squares. Chain smoking cancer patient. At least I have my humor. I find me funny.
I think Bobby and I are going to goth night tomorrow. I may have River meet me there. Get all dolled up with Bobby and rock the fuck out. I need a chic to make-out with anyways. And a ride home so I can lose control. Safely. He wanted to go last night but we both were already drunk so a little too late.
My uterus hurts today. My brain hurts more. My soul is uneasy today. Still pissed of about Eddie... Like seriously... Why tell me you'd like to get reintroduced to me and then act funny? I'm can be a bitch tired but I'm not like that. Purposely trying to pick a fight. I unfriended him on facebook. I'm sure he could care less. I don't need the shit. I don't need to see his little green online light. I don't need to fucking talk to him. I hate everything to do with the oddness. Keep it real. Don't act like I'm a fucking weirdo.. I was nice to him. I was fucking in love with the dude at one point.
It only gets weirder for me. Welcome to the life of Melissa. The limbo that lays out the boundaries of life.
Seriously what the fuck is wrong with me I tried to be his friend? Like in my head I really made a grown distinction like we're both adults, we can do this. And not only did I say that, I was excited about it. I'm going to be pissed off at myself about this all week and have to pretend not to be mad when I actually see him on Saturday. Avoid avoid avoid. I'm the queen of that. I imagine he won't say shit to me anyways. I can't see why he would at this point.
So glad I had to break down my life story for you to be even a little nice to me. Fuck that, I still don't sympathy and I don't want it either.
I'm a girl with adventure built into my soul. A love that surpasses time. A will to want to do good. And a an energy that is a habitual line stepper.
I just desire someone to keep up. I'm not sure why no one can. It sucks. I thought he could. I though he was decent. I'm not sorry for apologizing to him, because exactly what I told him, I have to look at me in the morning, and I need to like me, I have no guarantee of tomorrow.
This guy from high school is texting me right now. I think he was complimenting me. I made a post while I was drunk last night about how I scare boys. Referring to Ed. And he commented how I always did. I told him I calmed down a lot. He said that doesn't sound good. That's when he dmed me..
Let me know he was always found me intriguing and intimidated by me.. Thanks? My fucking whole life I think it sums my relationships up pretty well. Men.. weak fucking creatures.
I want balls to the wall still. Especially sexually. I need someone who can handle my inner masochist. Surprisingly hard these days. I need someone who can grab me by my throat and throw me on a bed and take me, and have a enough of a beast in them I allow them to ballgag me and put me in a corner and let them degrade me. I need to be spat on. Called names. No one has the balls to do these things anymore. They are all so boring. Maybe its why I've been celibate so fucking long. My own longing to trust another human. Neal ruined me in that way. Even though I hate his fucking guts he's still top one. I need someone who is equally as filthy. I thought Ed might have it in him. I doubt it now. Maybe this is why I'm craving a woman so much. If I can't get it done to me I'll do it to them. Also a sadist in a switch hit way. Very rarely do I go hardcore on a man. I don't think I would respect them again after. But a woman.. I just assume she likes it like me and in that way I can take the reins and have control. I like it. We as women are in control of so many things it's nice to forget them. It's a release. Men rally are weak.
They just can't handle my fucking honesty. I don't need to sugarcoat shit. I don't need any fucking propaganda. Just be real. Which is the hardest thing for people to do anyways. I only can be one me. Who I am today very well might not be who I was yesterday or last week. Sure in hell isn't who i was years ago. I'm controlled chaos.
I'm fucking epic. I need epic back. Clearly I may be doomed to be alone forever. That or I'm just going to start fucking the roadies I see in these shows. There has been a couple good ones I've noticed. I can fuck them and dump them easy. Even Seaseme St had some hot fucking carpenters. One had a melting Dali clock.... mmmmmmmm
I need dirty men.. who aren't afraid to be fucking manly. Gross tired, exhausted men that just need to let their beasts out. It could just be the sex addict in me talking.
I think Bobby and I are going to goth night tomorrow. I may have River meet me there. Get all dolled up with Bobby and rock the fuck out. I need a chic to make-out with anyways. And a ride home so I can lose control. Safely. He wanted to go last night but we both were already drunk so a little too late.
My uterus hurts today. My brain hurts more. My soul is uneasy today. Still pissed of about Eddie... Like seriously... Why tell me you'd like to get reintroduced to me and then act funny? I'm can be a bitch tired but I'm not like that. Purposely trying to pick a fight. I unfriended him on facebook. I'm sure he could care less. I don't need the shit. I don't need to see his little green online light. I don't need to fucking talk to him. I hate everything to do with the oddness. Keep it real. Don't act like I'm a fucking weirdo.. I was nice to him. I was fucking in love with the dude at one point.
It only gets weirder for me. Welcome to the life of Melissa. The limbo that lays out the boundaries of life.
Seriously what the fuck is wrong with me I tried to be his friend? Like in my head I really made a grown distinction like we're both adults, we can do this. And not only did I say that, I was excited about it. I'm going to be pissed off at myself about this all week and have to pretend not to be mad when I actually see him on Saturday. Avoid avoid avoid. I'm the queen of that. I imagine he won't say shit to me anyways. I can't see why he would at this point.
So glad I had to break down my life story for you to be even a little nice to me. Fuck that, I still don't sympathy and I don't want it either.
I'm a girl with adventure built into my soul. A love that surpasses time. A will to want to do good. And a an energy that is a habitual line stepper.
I just desire someone to keep up. I'm not sure why no one can. It sucks. I thought he could. I though he was decent. I'm not sorry for apologizing to him, because exactly what I told him, I have to look at me in the morning, and I need to like me, I have no guarantee of tomorrow.
This guy from high school is texting me right now. I think he was complimenting me. I made a post while I was drunk last night about how I scare boys. Referring to Ed. And he commented how I always did. I told him I calmed down a lot. He said that doesn't sound good. That's when he dmed me..
Let me know he was always found me intriguing and intimidated by me.. Thanks? My fucking whole life I think it sums my relationships up pretty well. Men.. weak fucking creatures.
I want balls to the wall still. Especially sexually. I need someone who can handle my inner masochist. Surprisingly hard these days. I need someone who can grab me by my throat and throw me on a bed and take me, and have a enough of a beast in them I allow them to ballgag me and put me in a corner and let them degrade me. I need to be spat on. Called names. No one has the balls to do these things anymore. They are all so boring. Maybe its why I've been celibate so fucking long. My own longing to trust another human. Neal ruined me in that way. Even though I hate his fucking guts he's still top one. I need someone who is equally as filthy. I thought Ed might have it in him. I doubt it now. Maybe this is why I'm craving a woman so much. If I can't get it done to me I'll do it to them. Also a sadist in a switch hit way. Very rarely do I go hardcore on a man. I don't think I would respect them again after. But a woman.. I just assume she likes it like me and in that way I can take the reins and have control. I like it. We as women are in control of so many things it's nice to forget them. It's a release. Men rally are weak.
They just can't handle my fucking honesty. I don't need to sugarcoat shit. I don't need any fucking propaganda. Just be real. Which is the hardest thing for people to do anyways. I only can be one me. Who I am today very well might not be who I was yesterday or last week. Sure in hell isn't who i was years ago. I'm controlled chaos.
I'm fucking epic. I need epic back. Clearly I may be doomed to be alone forever. That or I'm just going to start fucking the roadies I see in these shows. There has been a couple good ones I've noticed. I can fuck them and dump them easy. Even Seaseme St had some hot fucking carpenters. One had a melting Dali clock.... mmmmmmmm
I need dirty men.. who aren't afraid to be fucking manly. Gross tired, exhausted men that just need to let their beasts out. It could just be the sex addict in me talking.
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